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Talking about self-harm

Why do people harm themselves?

Many different reasons can lead someone to harm them-selves. Sometimes these stem from childhood experiences, but this doesn’t always have to be the case. Self-harm can often be a sign of low self-esteem, powerlessness, loss of control or a fear of loss of control. Feelings of self-hate which may have developed from a number of experiences may also be present for some people.

Some other commonly expressed reasons include:

• to manage moods or feelings. Some people describe intense feelings of anger and distress before harming them-selves. They may see the self-harm as a release of pent-up emotion, or as a way of reducing tension. Others see self-harming as a way of coping with a state of emotional numbness: “at least this way I feel something.” Sometimes people carry things around with them in case they feel the need to self-harm. This can make them feel in control.

"Personally, I think cutting is a way of releasing emotions for people like me who have a lot of trouble with crying and expressing emotional things. I personally find that I’ll cut if I’m feeling empty inside … cutting is a simple way of feeling real and checking if you can still feel."

• Wrong beliefs about themselves. Some may believe they should punish themselves for “being a bad person”. These thoughts and beliefs may be related to painful early experiences, quite often a history of some kind of abuse in childhood. Sometimes people who harm themselves experienced hurt, rejection and abandonment during their childhood.

Self-harm doesn’t “just happen”. It is part of a recurring cycle of responses to “triggers” which happen in someone’s life.

"Days and sometimes weeks can go by when we do not harm ourselves, we are proud of the fact but like a long lost friend it returns, starting again the cycle of torment, creating more torment and guilt."

Some of these triggers could be:

• being rejected by someone who is important to you
• being blamed for something over which you had no real control
• feeling inadequate
• being “wrong” in some way.

Self-harm can also be seen as part of a desperate struggle to cope with something and a way of communicating this when words are difficult to find.