Publication
Talking about postnatal depression (reprinted 2010)
| Contents: | Introduction What is post-natal depression Understanding post-natal depression What can I do? Getting help from others Friends and relatives The future Suggestions for reading |
Friends and relatives
Your role
As a relative or friend you can help by being patient and understanding. You can show your concern by listening sympathetically, and being prepared to spend time with her. Try to prompt her to talk about how she's feeling rather than bottle things up. Let her know you still care for her?cuddles can help!?and accept her, even though you don't understand why she feels like this.
It's unlikely to do any good to tell her to pull herself together, or to say she's got nothing to be depressed about. Praise and realistic encouragement are likely to be more effective.
On a practical level, you can help by giving her time to herself, away from the baby and the other children. She may well be finding it hard to cope with everyday chores. Try not to get frustrated or angry. Do what you can to helpout. As she recovers let her regain control of things. If you take over completely she will only feel even more useless and despondent.
Someone who is experiencing post-natal depression often sees everything in a negative light, and becomes preoccupied with their problems. You can help by challenging this negative way of thinking and pointing out situations or tasks which she has handled well.
You may also need to encourage her to seek help. Your support can prompt her to take that step. Perhaps you could accompany her to a self-help group or a counsellor, even if you do not take part. Above all, try to be patient. It will take time for her to re-establish herself, and for you both to re-build your relationship.
Your needs
It is not easy to see a woman you care about go through post-natal depression. To see someone appear to change so much and become almost unreachable can be deeply distressing. You may worry that in some way you have contributed to the depression.
You will often feel helpless and not know how to react. You may feel bewildered and resentful that this has happened to someone close to you. You may feel angry at the effect on yourself and on the rest of the family, particularly the baby.
It can be very wearing to live with, or be in close contact with someone with post-natal depression. No matter how hard you look there may be no apparent reason for this to have happened. You may find yourself becoming depressed or agitated?it is now known that many new fathers as well as mothers experience depression.
Perhaps you have had to take on tasks and responsibilities because your partner or friend is not able to cope. This can be especially exhausting when a young baby is involved. And at the back of your mind is a nagging anxiety about what will happen to the children in the longer-term.
All this is a great deal to bear on your own. It is therefore important that you get advice and support too. If possible get others to help you. Talk to your family doctor about your concerns. Discuss your own feelings with family and friends. Try to find time to do things which you enjoy. Remember that you count too.