Publication
Talking about self-harm
Professional workers
Being judgmental and putting blame on the person who has self-harmed does not achieve anything. In fact, it can make the situation much worse, and leaves the person who has self-harmed feeling even more worthless. Quite often workers who have contact with people who self-harm can have a number of feelings around the issue of the act of self-harm which can be directed back at the person. Unfortunately, because of other work pressures it may not be possible to spend as much time as you would like with the individual person. If this is the case, it is important to emphasise to the person that this is not a personal reflection.
Self-harming behaviour is more about the person who does it than about the people around them. The person you’re concerned about is not harming themselves just to make you feel bad or guilty. Even if it feels like manipulation, it probably isn’t intended as such. People generally don’t self-harm to be dramatic or to annoy others. Professional support can be useful in helping the person look at alternative ways of coping with distress.
Acceptance, caring and listening are vital.
It is very important to explore the issues underlying why someone harms themselves. People who are able to help are those who are able to understand that self-harm does not constitute a character flaw but is a problem-solving device that “manages” the painful feelings while making life more difficult at the same time.